How much is The Farnsworth?|
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|Thursday, December 13th, 2007|
|you aint rid o me yet
Yea you know what I aint posted in forever. You know why? Well, lotsa reasons, but partly cause I couldnt fuckin STAND lookin at that fuckin friends list (which should really be a 'people I kinda know list' cause I aint friends wit mosta you motherfuckers) and seein people all "today I ate bread it was pretty good bread I mean not great bread but pretty ok as far as breads go" up an down the fuckin page. Fuck, if I wanted to read bout boring-ass shit like that Id go read the side of the fuckin plastic wrap on the loaf of bread in my kitchen.
Why aint you all postin bout the hot chicks you been fuckin left an right? Whats up wit erryone pretendin to be Mr. Goody Twoshoes 24-7? Why you all such gay-ass pansy homebody lamers? I mean fuck, if you gonna be so fuckin borin you may as well go be a fuckin librarian or a male nurse or somethin where your gentle tender wayz are appreciated by ladies wit their hairs in a bun an no cleavage at all, an leave baseball to the badass motherfuckers who do it up right.
You know what I been doin? I been DRINKIN. I been gettin drunk off my INCREDIBLY HOTT ASS. An I been workin out to keep my STUDLY FARNSWORTH ABS in STUDLY PERFECTION. An when I aint drunk I been HUNTIN. Cause spendin time in the woods where its jus me, a gun, an some lil furry animals that are about to be dead is pretty much where its at right now.
The offseason sux donkey ballsacks (jus like the Red Socks what a coincidence!). Life sux donkey ballsacks right now too but its this bad cause there aint no baseballin goin on. Erryones jus sittin on their asses talkin bout steroids an who been shootin up whos buttcheeks so basically its like the gayest offseason EVER. Fuck this bullshit.
O an the fact that we got a new coach? This is how much I care: . Thats right, NONE. Why the fuck would I care? Torre, Girardi, theyre all the same to me, old dudes who couldnt take THE FARNS in a fight even in their primes who wont pitch THE FARNS now cause theyre fairy twitchlickers who cant handle the studliness of my fastball. Whatever, bitches. So long as it aint Dusty fuckin Baker its OK.
So if youll excuse me, Im gonna go throw a slab o meat I killed myself onto the grill, crack open a big cold beer, and call some hos to come over and get naked. Then Ill feed my cat. Then Ill have sex for 6 hours straight. HOWS THAT FOR A LJ ENTRY MOTHERFUCKERS.
|Saturday, August 18th, 2007|
Thats fuckin right who came in wit a pressure(ish) situation an hadda perfect innin? THE FARNS. Yea you KNOW it. SUCK MY DICK, UNIVERSE.
Thats two outins inna row I been awesome. I even got to hit Inge las time I was in. Thats for not namin your new kid after me, Inge. You know you deserved that. Current Mood: pleased
|Thursday, August 2nd, 2007|
Well, New York, looks like Im stuck wit you an youre stuck wit me.
|Thursday, July 26th, 2007|
|fuck trades right in the ass
I tried to read my friends list to catch up, but you faggots are so borin I probly find more innerestin shit if I go in my fuckin fridge and read the backa the fuckin orange juice carton. NO PRESERVATIVES! NOT FROM CONCENTRATE! VITAMIN C! See, Im already more fuckin entertained.
Trade deadlines comin up. I dont think you fuckers like me any moren I like you these days, but I dont expect to be movin. Whod pick me up? All the teams suicidal enough to like my pitchin are too poor to pay the STUDLY FARNSWORTH CONTRACT. I guess I could waive somea it or restructure or somethin, but Id hafta REALLY want outta NY, and someoned hafta be REAL innerested.
I still wont never unnerstand how Torre could use Proc the way he did, an turn around an use me the way he did. An dont say nothin bout ERA or numbers or some shit, cause Im talkin bout from the very starta the season, an Im talkin bout a guy wit GOOD numbers (I mean Scotty, fuckers), an usin him the surest way to ruin his arm. It was like bein back on the Cubbies, where every pitcher was on the path to bein destroyed bit by fuckin bit.
Lets say, what borin-ass shit can I put in here to make all you losers happy. O, the other day, Ty caught a mouse. Fuck knows where it came from. She took it inside an ate the back end and left the front end as a present for me, so I woke up in the mornin an looked at the pillow next to me an there was a little mouse head and little mouse front legs and the resta it was jus a mess o red intestines and shit. Pretty fuckin badass. The pillowcase hadda go thru the wash 4 times before it was clean tho.
|Wednesday, July 18th, 2007|
|Monday, June 4th, 2007|
|eat it, socks
Take somea THAT, Pink Socks! You tryn kill our first baseman, we beat your gay whiny asses on your own pissgreen midgetal patch o turf.
Yea I got that fat DH to ground out like a lil bitch. The dreadlocked ugly doubled but what the fuck ever hes likely to do that offa anyone. Greek geek flew out, an then the 1B murderer struck out lookin like the CHUMP that he is. I was like "BITCH PLEASE YOU AINT GOT A FUCKIN THING ON THE FARNS" and he was like "ahhhh dont hurt me i only got one nut in my nutsack."
An yknow what, ARod can fuck all the blonde trannys he wants so longs he keeps hittin like that. May not be MY cuppa coffee but if blonde trannys is what it takes for him to be happy an homerun hittin, blonde trannys it is. Current Mood: victorious
|Sunday, May 27th, 2007|
|heres a fact
Guess what, assholes? Youre gonna hafta hold onto me, cause when you run Scott out there EVERY FUCKIN DAY PRETTY MUCH, of fuckin COURSE his arms gonna fall off sooner or later, an the way hes been used lately Id say sooner.
Its startin to feel like Im back on the Cubbies wit Dusty Baker personally tryin to ruin every single pitcher on the team by usin em in the most assbackwards ways his fataddled little brain can think of.
OK, we got this guy whos strugglin a little an needs more time to work thru his pitchin... lets not pitch him NEVER so he dont never get comfortable on the mound! What a great idea!
We got this other guy who we been usin assloads lately, lets jus keep doin that! Use him again an again! Hes got his feel down, so insteada rotatin erryone in the same we jus gonna keep runnin him out there til he aint nothin but busted! GENIUS!
Fuck, people dont wanna hear it cause its like the motherfuckin army wit all this Dont Ask Dont Tell shit goin on round these parts, but thats the fact o it an Scott wouldnt never call noone out on it, but if hed get used like a normal reliever on a normal team Id be willin to bet today wouldnta gone down like it did. Current Mood: annoyed
|Sunday, May 20th, 2007|
1. Thats right bitches, I called out the PocketRocket. Someone on this fuckin pansyass teams gotta show some balls, an when it comes to bein badass I think we all know you come right to THE FARNS. Fuck it. He aint gonna be parta the team for real if hes gettin all treated 'special' like that. May as well fuckin pick up a industrial strength condom an call him a penis covered wit AIDS for all the careful handlin hes gettin.
2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IIIINNNNNGE. Welcome to the wrong side of the big three oh. It sux hairy assholes. Better start stockin up on the Viagra right now if you wanna keep the lil lady in line.
3. The New York Yankees are terrible at baseball. Current Mood: gloomy
|Friday, May 11th, 2007|
|we are worse than the orioles right now
For real. Behind the Pink Socks which, whatever, their gay asses gonna implode soon nough, but were also behind the Orangebirds, which is not just gay but is also BIGFATGAY. How is that even possible? I dint think it was possible for anyone to be worsen the Orangebirds unless it was Tampax Bay.
I still ony get to pitch once in a blue moon. I got into some kinda close games recent but it dont seem to make no fuckin difference. I blew chunks an fucked up that kids start... onea them babies we jus called up. I dont know which one, theyre all the same an theres like 800 of em. Theyre all so green they still dont even know the difference tween 'good job ass pat' an 'ARods gonna take you out to dinner after that one ass grope'. But anyhow this kid was aimin for his first ever win an I fucked it up.
Well the ump fucked up too, that asshole what "stole" second was out by at least 2 feet, but he shouldnta even been on base, so whatever, chunks were blown.
Theyre still usin every reliever in the pen over an over an over again... cept for me. Dont know what I gotta do to get more work. Needta suck some dick probly, but I aint exactly jumpin at the thoughta doin that since I done so good so far resistin this team turnin me into onea the Gays.
Blah blah blah borin borin borin.
Dont got no opinion on the Rocket but I done heard all the rumors an I jus got one thing to say: if I walk in on him an Pettitte tryin to make assbabies in the clubhouse, even ONCE, thats it, I am done. Ill fuckin walk into Torres office an hand in my papers right there. I done killed and gutted deers all my own, I been up to my elbows in blood an guts, but some things a dude jus aint got no stomach for seein. Current Mood: vomit vomit
|Thursday, April 19th, 2007|
They got me throwin junk innins lately. Mos got the 9th obviously an now Vizcaino gonna be throwin mostly the 8th. I hadda get fuckin sat down by Torre an the Gator an talked to like a three year old who dont unnerstand why they gettin time out for hittin people in the school halls wit baseball bats. Which I dint never do, ocourse.
This is the fuckin thing of it. I aint gettin on topa the ball. I keep fuckin droppin down moren I should, and I keep fuckin rushin my fuckin delivery. I gotta get WORK to get thru that. It aint somethin Im gonna fix jus by fuckin THINKIN bout it. I gotta get out there and pitch pitch pitch til I get back in my good groove. But Torres convinced he cant use me fuckin hardly EVER. Not on consecutive days, an not in moren one innin.
Fuck, I know I had back issues, but I dont think thats as tied to pitchin as he pparently does. I been talkin to a buncha trainers, a lotta em think, yknow, I do so much weight trainin, maybe I aint been balancin that wit as much flexibilty trainin as I should, so the muscles in my back been gettin TOO huge an kinda stiff... which was why they were gettin prone to spasms an shit. Now, thats somethin I gotta work out on my own time, an Im aimin to... I aint no motherfuckin DELICATE FLOWER, I can fuckin pitch moren one day in a row, this is jus them bein fuckin PARANOID. FUCK.
Now SOMEONE fuckin EXPLAIN to me why it is that they so fuckin afraid o me havin a few muscle spasms that they gonna treat me like a asscrackfuckin tiny baby kitten, but they perfectly comfortable throwin Scott out there til his arm falls off at the shoulder? Which tbe honest alla us in the bullpen are waitin on arready. Its ony a matter o time.
I aint gonna get back in no kinda groove if I dont pitch. An they dont want me pitchin much, an defnitely not innins that mean nothin. Now how the fucks a dude suppost to solve somethin like that? Current Mood: aggravated
|Wednesday, April 11th, 2007|
|Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007|
|Monday, April 2nd, 2007|
|openin day BITCHESSSS!
Fuckin right, Tampax Bay comes in here thinkin they got shit goin on, yea yea whatever Tampax Bay, we the motherfuckin YANKEES an whatre you? You a buncha fuckin LIMP FISH. Openin Day got you assholed PWND.
Thats right Im sure all my fans were pumped up seein me get into this one. One innin, almos perfect cept for Pigginton gettin a single. Ked one, thats OK, Im workin up to it, jus gettin my hot ass self into the season an shit.
O yea an I was workin the HIGH SOCKS OF HOTT today, as Im sure all you bitches saw an wet your lil bitch panties bout. Im always on the cuttin fuckin edge, see... I think to myself, now, Kyle, you one hott whoeveryouwantfucker. Done made myself even hotter when I decided I was gonna go to a team wit pinstripe pants, cause the fans, they were missin that shit after I left the Cubbies, I done heard the complaints. An I been wearin my pants proper tight again. But what ELSE could I do to increase the hott an give the fans a lil somethin somethin for their troubles an shit?
THE STUDLY FARNSWORTH HIGH SOCKS OF HOTT!
I am jus a real charitable fuckin kinna guy like that.
Felt pretty OK out there, knowin how many people were droolin at my hott ass (whole hott package really, dont deny, aint no shame in it), so Im thinkin bout continuin these high socks an shit. Well see. Might jus be a special occasion kinna deal, but if it feels good.... well I aint never been the kinna dude to not do somethin that feels good.
WINNIN RECORD, THATS RIGHT, EAT IT RED SOCKS, EAT IIIIITTTTT!
|Thursday, March 22nd, 2007|
|ill sink your fat ass is what ill sink
Fuckin right were gettin on towards the season an all you AL assholes got a new lil somethin somethin to be fearin!
THE STUDLY FARNSWORTH SINKER
Ohhhhh snapass Im gonna be strikin out so many o you assholes you all gonna be puttin your bats up your own asses outta confusion an lowdown shames.
I GOT MULTIPLE SPEEDS NOW MOTHERFUCKERS FEAR IT
|Tuesday, February 20th, 2007|
|Thursday, February 15th, 2007|
|consider this a test
Cause Im innerested in seein if any o you can do this, tho I doubt you can.( Find THE FARNSCollapse )
It actually aint hard atall, but I know what retards I got all up in this joint. Current Mood: amused
|Saturday, February 10th, 2007|
|gettin ready for some spring action
Yea, gettin my shit together for ST down in nice ol Tampax. Man why cant we jus warm up in HOTTLANTA? Its the place to be. But anyway Im fuckin PSYCHED cause Im bout jumpin outta my skin to get some baseball on by now. Im ready for this season. I got this season LOCKED AN LOADED right in the motherfuckin crosshairs o my STUDLY FARNSWORTH RIFLEVISION.
Its a odd year, I usually do good in odd years. Mos all the bad shit happens in even years. Obviously its a curse, the curse of THE FARNS. I bet onea them Vietcong my dad exploded when he was over there doin that shit done put a curse on the family, where every even year, shit jus sucks all kindsa ass wit my pitchin. Funny kinda curse to put on someone, but who the fuck knows whats normal for them cursin Vietcongers.
Point bein I am 8 kindsa ready for this season to start up.
But I aint reportin early, that shits for tools.
Anyhow Im all pumped up to get down there. An I bet Ingell be happy to report an get rida me for a bit, hes probly havin Farns overload right now, ha ha. And hopefully therell be other shit to look forward to down in Florida, an them as are involved wit thatll know what I mean.
Really the ony one who AINT happy bout all this is the lil lady. I been packin, see, gettin shit together for ST an also startin to pack shit up round the house cause I aint here hardly atall durin the season. An o man, she dont like seein boxes an suitcases not one bit. She knows the season means she dont get to see me as much too, an she dont like THAT none neither.
I was packin some shit up an I left for a minute to get a drink, an when I came back shed climbed into the suitcase an was all glarin at me like "Jus try it now, bitch!!" So ocourse I go an get my camera cause she looks so fuckin pissed off, an she sees me comin wit it an jumps out, cause she knows what Im up to. So ocourse then I feel bad, cause shes got my evry move all fuckin planned out an all, so I go to pet her an be like "Im sorry baby you know you the ony one for me even wit all these boxes around", an this happens.( aaaaaahhhhhhCollapse )
I probly deserved it tho.
I was correcting your grammar.farnsworthalot:
an i was correctin your ATTITUDE
|Friday, January 19th, 2007|
|wow, and in public an everythin
Lotta shit I aint innerested in postin bout, but I did wanna get this photo out there.
Its a little hard to see, but that there is Brandon Inge straddlin Chris Shelton, while my two favrite people in the whole wide world, Verlander and Wilson, watch the nasty go down. No word of a lie, Inge is STRADDLIN SHELTON on stage in fronta the 'tarded two, and a whole roomfulla innocent people.
I gotta admit, when I saw this photo I laughed so hard I thought I mighta throwed out my back again.
|Monday, January 1st, 2007|
|a year of STUDLY FARNSWORTHINESS
2007. too bad dmitri aint round no more but i gotta say the inges did a pretty fuckin good job. lotsa booze, thats the key, an the mrs moved all the breakables so i could throw a punch heren there ha ha. im all in favor of breakin faces but i didnt wanna break inge valuables none.
since fuck knows i aint up to doin anythin like goin out or movin wit the headache i got right now may as well do this gayass lj shit
erry month o 2006, a first line of STUDLY FARNSWORTH GENIUS for you to enjoy. if there werent much of a line i went an got more caus rules are for pussies.january:
fuckin hell my headfebruary:
Well the Superbowl was pretty fuckin awesome, we had a box and everythin. march:
Pretty good article, but why does everyone keep callin me Robocop??april:
rain delay on openin night?may:
Win headin into Boston, thats good.june:
And also: FUCK.july:
Fuckin baby head on a stake, that was ricockulous. august:
That stung like a whore who dont know how to keep her teeth covered. september:
I aint got nothin to post bout.october:
Yea, I made a real great case for myself headin into the postseason.november:
Fuck you people are borin in the offseason.december:
Im watchin you, Cashman.
basically ima master of words. Current Mood: hungover
|Sunday, December 24th, 2006|
|fuck the season
Merry fuckin Christmas you fat fucks.
My holiday wish is for DickShaun Foster to choke to death on diseased semen.